Let me set the scene.

It's 2022, specifically early May. I was in the trenches of a schizophrenic episode that had already been going on for at least two weeks.

As I lay awake one night, I began hallucinating a vivid scene (and I do mean literally hallucinating, as in I could see it before me). There was a tall, red haired man having a conversation with a sheikah. I could feel the tension in the air, the room so thick and hazy with the smell of rain.

It inspired me.

But I was too out of it to really process the "divine" vision I had seen.

I get put on different meds, and my head begins to clear. Around the middle of May, I get to work on translating what I'd seen onto a blank canvas.

This was the first piece I did of the two OCs who have become known as my LoZ lads. You can see that Ganondorf's design is pretty much finalised, where as Estrin's is a bit loose.

I spent the last 4 years improving their story, their designs, and my art style.

Schizophrenia is a weird thing for me. On one hand, it snuffs of the spark of creativity. On the other, it gave me two OCs who I can't imagine living without.

I've had schizophrenia since I was 12, and I've been drawing since I was a wee child. I always believed that in order to be a Great Artist, you had to have some sort of suffering going on. I still believe that, to some degree. My art has been shaped by my experiences with mental health problems, trauma, and living in a country that is slowly chipping away at trans rights.

But it's also been shaped by my dreams, my hopes, my experiences of happiness and joy. I feel like those experiences have had a greater impact on my art than my suffering.

You can't separate my art from all the bad stuff that has happened to me though, its built into the very fibers of my being and it seeps out into my art like a thick miasma. I dont think I would have ever devoted so much time to my art if I wasnt too mentally ill and physically disabled to work. I owe my trauma and chronic illnesses a lot for the time and inspiration they have given me.

I know everyone is different. Some try to push their trauma out of their art, try to fight it by drawing things that are passive and inoffensive. That's fine, but I'm a little freak (to put it politely) and I believe art should showcase the range of our emotions, even those we try to bottle up, like anger and hatred.

Just as I try not to make my suffering a core part of what my art represents, I think its important to not censor ourselves and our emotions.

After all, whats the point in art if it doesnt make us feel something?